I applied for my first job as a developer
Couple days ago, I sent my first job application for a developer role. It was beyond exciting. True, way too early in my plan of study hard, do a few good projects and then shine, but I just couldn’t miss the opportunity to be an apprentice developer for a respectable company. So, I took a risk, updated my Marketing Resume, leaving probably too much marketing experience, but I had nothing to fill it in with and wrote a crazy cover letter. It was the first time I chose, instead of concentrating on advertising myself and matching with what the company needed, to tell a story of how I came to want to be a Software Engineer.
I did like what I wrote, but now is the weekend and I feel like I am going crazy overanalyzing my cover letter, thinking that they might not get my jokes and light sarcasm; or they might think that they need a serious person and not a joker in their team; or turn my letter into an office joke; or not see my potential because all my reasons for choosing to study Software Engineer are very much internal and no messages about saving the world…
I don’t know…
I guess I am overreacting but the more I think about it, the more I want to hear back from them, and I don’t think I ever was as excited as I am now about going back to the workforce.
I am happy I tried but I am not stopping myself either. Whatever happens, I am happy I tried, and I will try as many times as I need to, maybe if they don’t accept my application now, I will come back to them as an already experienced person years later? Who knows, right? The main thing for me is the thrill I feel about the process. No more reserved, ugly feelings of “something is wrong, but I need to keep on going.”
What's up with all those things I already tried
I try to find explanations to myself why I don’t like Marketing anymore. I remember I wanted to get into it, and I remember clearly my reasons. Weirdly enough they were not internal then, more like trying to impress certain people. But life was mine and after those people were gone from it, I was still left with my own life to live. I spent many years with clenched teeth. I sure met a lot of wonderful people, worked on many great projects, and had a lot of things to enjoy, but inside of me something was always missing, a drive to go beyond my 100%, and knowledge that I can certainly do better.
And here comes knocking one of the fears: after years of working in one field that I initially chose myself, but in the end didn’t like, how can I be sure that this change will be any different?
And the answer is simple.
I can’t know.
No one can know it.
I can only feel that drive inside, and I know the difference this feeling gives.
A lot of people who know me well will question why I don’t choose to be a writer full time. And the answer might sound silly because I do get money for my books (however little): but it’s rather simple, I don’t like the weight of monetization on creativity. Because instead of letting the story flow from within, I start thinking about what the outside world (the influence of long years in marketing) would like about that certain story and the story becomes no longer mine. It’s not an excuse, trust me, it’s just because I am a materialistic person, I was raised that way and fight it every day until I give up and just let myself be me by accepting traits that are just part of who I am.
I allow myself not to think about writing as my paid job but rather a responsibility I have for the stories that are in my head, waiting to be released. This might change when I am old and ready to draw my last breath while writing.
But enough about that.
The simple truth is that I want to have code running through my blood, because I like to solve problems with the magic of a code, it amazes me every day the things one can do with it. Why didn’t I mention that in my cover letter? Who knows, I was letting myself feel the story in hopes that the person reading it will feel me too. I was being vulnerable beyond my usual self, just like here in this post.
Wish me luck, it would be too good to be true if I did get an interview with the company.
Don't let doubts stop you
Lately, I heard a lot of the old statement repeated (it’s old for me because I heard it years back) that women only apply to jobs when they match the job ad 100% percent, while men apply even if they match only 60% of the requirements. I might be slightly a man then because I never took the job ads as a 100% set thing. Also, that statement didn’t really come with backup research, you could read about it more in Curt Rice’s article. But there is some truth to it. And you can see some trends in this LinkedIn Report done in 2019.
We do have certain reservations and a flick for perfectionism when we are thinking about our future. I believe we all should be a bit more opportunistic. And I also believe that if a person matches the ad 100% then that person is already overeducated and over experienced for the job and should look for something more challenging to help them grow.
I am not saying just go out there and click apply to every button. I am saying that if you have a good feeling about the job, don’t let it pass by. At least you will gain experience in writing cover letters (I should have tampered down my excitement, don’t make my mistake, write them to match the company’s needs) and working on your resume.
And you never know, you might be surprised to find that some companies prefer brave, confident, and willing to learn, to those who actually are 100 percent but might get bored too soon from the lack of growth opportunities. If you still need 100%, then have 100% of confidence in your abilities to learn.
Just keep learning, just keep learning.