That’s right, that’s how I feel – I just don’t understand JavaScript, and I am in a serious block this week – these past two weeks truth be told…
I just keep hoping that after the next chapter in the book or another section in the course I will finally get it, but I just feel like I am burying myself deeper and deeper and I don’t know when the moment was that I lost it.
I don’t even know what exactly is that I don’t understand. I keep on looking for answers and there seems to be a moment where I get it but then when I try to code, it just doesn’t work. I am so discouraged that I am looking for ways to get out of this uncomfortable situation. Well, my reptilian brain is working hard to escape the resistance, as if it threatens my survival.
But I’d be damned if I give up without a fight! If I give up at all.
Sure, I don’t get it… YET. I probably need more time than my 16-year-old self would have needed to solve it but that doesn’t mean the power isn’t there anymore, I’m just slower. And I am sorry, but I just must use this excuse – I do have a seven-year-old and a one-year-old to take care of 24/7. I am lucky that my husband helps me as much as he can, but this household is just not running on air and dreams. Also, the little one and me (just a tiny bit) were sick last week. So, I must remind myself that in this – grind till you are dead culture – I still want to live to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
So to say, I might be whining a lot lately, but I am sure as hell not giving up on myself. Even though it feels like there is no hope of getting to the other side. Is there even that other side to get to? Does anyone truly know how to operate this thing?
Yes, I am still talking about JavaScript. It sure got to my soul.
What am I doing to get over it?
Sitting down every day to read and try to understand. There is no better/magical way.
I might need to memorize particular terms and certain code just to understand it better. And experiment on my own learning patterns to see what works best, but hey, I’m 36 and there are still things to learn about myself.
I also read through posts of others going through the same thing and that reminds me that I am not special, I am not the only one to feel this way. Some might have it easier, but others have it even harder, we are all different, hardship is no excuse to quit.
I got very philosophical about it, and it only confirms to me that this kind of resistance is a good sign – showing me that I am on the right path, on the road that in my case is less travelled and that’s why it’s right for me.
Hoping to see you on the other side soon as I have all the right tools, all I need is to focus and persevere.
Also, it is entirely possible that I already know more than I realise and, gun to my head, I could do a few things on JavaScript. Just saying… Impostor syndrome is a b*tch.
If you want to learn more about memory and learning, you can start with a few things like this book Joshua Foer “Moonwalking with Einstein” or Andrei Negoei’s course on Udemy: “Learning to Learn”. I probably should rewatch it again myself.
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