When our determination intimidates those, who are closest to us.
Last week I had this chat with my brother, and I told him that I am studying coding. He just couldn’t get me and kept saying that it’s too hard, that one needs logical thinking to understand it (as if I don’t have it) and on he went explaining that I am on the wrong path. He told me to choose one thing from all those professions that I already have and keep on working there.
It hurt.
I know what they all are thinking. Ah, that’s another one she is trying out. And it’s hard for me to prove that this time I genuinely want to succeed with coding, and I am not planning to forget all that I have learned up till this moment, I have goals and hopes to use every single one of the skills that I have for the rest of my life. But I guess that’s how most people are – single-minded. You are either one thing or another and I will never be that one thing because that’s not who I am. I am multiple interests and pursuits, and I will always be. All I am doing now is putting it all together because I know that this skill is the biggest one that I was missing. I have faith in things that are either hard to explain or not for every audience to fully comprehend, and that’s why I am not fighting it. All I need is patience and time while I take my baby steps.
People who want "the best for us"
There are better days and days when I feel like I’m banging on the wall, and nothing gets through. There are days when I am tired, or kids are playing around me, and I can hear every second word on the tutorial. But I am not giving up, not even when I have a lack of support from people who should be closest to me and the most supportive. It’s weird how most of the times people we barely know can root for us and people who know us best just swipe through our deepest desires as if they are worthless. And they all have that excuse “I want the best for you.”, but all they mean is “I want to feel comfortable while I am not striving so much, and your determination intimidates me.”
I have built years of hard skin with a lot of my other pursuits so even if it hurts, I have tools to handle the situation with grace and move on. But to anyone who has it hard to fight imposter syndrome while at the same time fighting off worried family members, I would say listen to yourself, because you know best. Sure, it’s hard and you might fail but right this moment, you know you are on the right track so use that momentum and just let others talk. Prove yourself with actions, being defensive would only make them more determined to prove you wrong. But it’s not for them to prove anything, it’s for you to give your best.
Oh, and read Angela Duckworth’s “Grit”. She didn’t have much support and faith from her father growing up but she grew into a very smart and respectable woman. It is one of those books that I come back to over and over again when I need a reminder that it’s not always about talent, but most times about our grit.
Just the short note on this post, I needed to vent but I know I am not the only one going through similar situation, so cheers to everyone who is pushing through all those naysayers in your lives.
With love,
codingGinja
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